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[17 Jul 2007|10:08pm] |
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Dear New york, California not only makes my hair nicer, but I am not a music geek here, I am actually normal here. Love Always, Jennifer
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[15 Jul 2007|05:53am] |
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I don't use this anymore. I'm in California, Los Angelas, it's amazing. I don't miss home all to much...but I'm really sick of people asking me where I'm from, and if I prefer "Jenn" or "Jennifer". I'm determined to come home better at what I do, and I want to get everything out of this that I can. I'm sick of the bullshit that's been in the way of me getting where I want to be- this is it, I've got it, and I'm going to use it.
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[09 Apr 2006|09:18pm] |
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so my life is pretty much worthless my writing is shot to hell, im broke, im looking foward to a summer spent alone, and im okay with it, you can live your life - ill live mine, even though that is such a lie. we both know that this isnt right but i guess its life and you live and you accept and move on. i miss alex, just for the record - hes been in nevada for a little less then a month and i hate it. im going to delaware for a week this summer july 22-29 so thats mad chill. the play is over and thats sad. i need a better job. oh, and friends
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[28 Feb 2006|09:03pm] |
an open letter to pete wentz. [28 Feb 2006|03:50pm]
askheychris
[ music | the promise - crush all fakes. ]
it takes a lot to make me mad.
it takes even more to infuriate me.
so, after all this time i finally learned the truth. that it was you telling my ex girlfriend lies and secrets. despite even giving you the pass card after i caught you trying to talk dirty to her online, this is how you repay me? no wonder why you couldnt look me in the eye on the bus last summer and no wonder why you avoided me every chance you got.
you hug me and tell me you love me then you tell lies to my girlfriend behind my back to lure her away from me? you tell her i cheat on her and then you tell me to come stay on the bus?
you are a spineless fucking sham.
i regret every second i spent defending you and your selfish ways.
dont forget, i know you. not that shitty glammed up poser image you present to the masses to consume. the dude i knew never would have worn a fucking dinosaur shirt or sold out one of his friends. the dude i knew had heart and fucking loyalty. well lil buddy, you are fucking done.
you want to sell me out to the most important person in my life and then have the audacity to make ME think I did something wrong to not deserve your friendship? you fucking arrogant bastard.
since we're discussing sellouts lets discuss how when kids give you presents you laugh at them and throw it straight in the trash. oh yeah, ive seen it many times. lets talk about how you talk shit about the fat girls that are your fans and mock their letters. you are fucking undeserving of every ounce of attention you've ever gotten. from every one of your calculated business moves to your "spontaneous" jumps in the crowd parts to your well rehearsed cliche lines you've been spouting for 400 shows in a row. you're boring, contrived and old. "oooh, no one loves me, its sooo hard being on magazine covers and tv shows. someone save me from me." what are you, fucking 12? go light your little candles ask yourself why no one will ever truly love you. its amazing no one has caught on to your little fucking show. you're nothing more than a shitty opportunist business man with even shittier fashion sense.
so pack up and move to whatever million dollar house you've picked out in california paid for by your lies and hypocrisy and deceit and selfishness and over medicate yourself like youve been doing for years...because guess what? no one wants you here anymore. you are not welcome.
oh yeah, hows that straight edge tattoo doing? as well as the tattoo for your "crew" who now refer to you as a fraud and a con? stay gold dude, stay gold.
remember this each night of the tour when you play the lie, "hey chris, you were our only friend."
downplay it all you want by saying the song is about "friends", but guess whos fucking name you're saying each and every night? mine. thats right. what a bunch of fucking phonies. sing the songs you dont even believe in anymore. fucking liar.
you know the friends i have and you know how we feel about loyalty.
you know who im talking about and you know they're not happy either.
so dont get caught slipping and you better make damn sure you watch whos on your guest list because a plus one might come backstage to punch your fucking teeth out and tear the windpipe from your throat.
you fucking sell out.
oh, and next time you decide to write another song about me, do it right you fucking coward.
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[04 Feb 2006|10:54pm] |
so today was a day i find myself rather fond of? around nine 30 adam called to wake me up, since i was supposed to go to his basketball game, but after last night (im still working on that one) i was un able to stay awake long enough to crawl out of bed to shower, i fell asleep until about 1115, when i got up, turned on my computer, walked away until ten minutes ago. my brother came up to me and went theres a bunch of shady characters outside - you should probably check that out. my friends then proceeded to kidnap me - mad room raiders style, unshowered in my pajamas no shoes. we then bleached nikkis brown hair, tried to dye some of my blonde brown, then did it black. Its so ridiculus, i love us to bits and pieces. then cristan dropped me home while nikki and bri-bri did bleach vs nikki round two. i showered cleaned myself up and straightened my hair, cristan got me again, we adventured to north wantaugh, grabbed my friend adam and then went and blazed mad chronic at reinhard. from there we ended up in roslyn...we were aiming for the mall, we went to quiznos there (bellmore owns theres). we called jessah, or jessah called us? either way she mapquested up and got us to the mall, i got new shoes -no more flip flops in february!after sam joined somewhere in there and nikole vanished -dont ask me when. we all were mad tired, before it was even ten since we smoked at 300 in the afternoon, so we went and got coffee after dropping adam home. then we all separated- we cant stand each other for prolonged periods of time. my mom is leaving tommorow for jersey, so im pretty much living at nikoles house so i dont die in mine- mad fourties in her bedroom tommorow night, pretty fucking chill id say. im writing a ton more, and its good, the more i write sober the more natural it becomes - my inebriated shorts always flow so much better and hit so much harder though, but its probably because i dont actually think, im pretty sure i write most of those, of them? unconscience. its sad that theyre all about the same people. city tommorow after my mom lives, thats chill, then superbowl? (aka mad fourties) at nikoles then school i suppose.
two boys streaked at pep rally and i broke a sweat running sound?
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[23 Jan 2006|06:43pm] |
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so i hate school. im failing music theory, english and social studies? music theory im ligitimately failing, just because that class is a bitch, english i apparently didnt hand in an annotated book?? and social studies i forgot to do my quarterly project and im going to fail without it. shit. tommorow i have a sectional fourth period. ew choir. its cold upstairs. peace out
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[18 Jan 2006|08:32pm] |
1. I feel like i dont fit in
2. has anyone seen a black five star notebook (not spiral) with a bunch of scraps tucked in it? - that has all of my songs in it and i cant do anything with out it...i lost it? please, i dont care if you bring me an empty one an say that my songs are there in invisible ink, i kind of really need it.
3. i need a job?
4. i want someone to get me a a small hoodie, with wings on the back, for my birthday
5. find me a guy, someone, who likes me, who acts like he likes me, that doesnt hate me, or just has time to pretend he likes me.
6. im going to go watch almost famous and probably work on re-writing songs in above said notebook that i know i wont get back.
7. see 5.
8. im bothered by life.
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[07 Jan 2006|03:26pm] |
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so im at that point of understanding where thigns arent always going to go right and hearts are always going to be broken. there were always be secrets and there will always be deceit. but im over it. ive been miserable the entire start of this year because of a boy who was lying to me anyway. and i wont have it, im going to celebrate the fact that i will have an ep out by february, that ive got friends who will kill a man in a moment for me and wonderful boys who take me on dates to movies. so this is my giant Fuck off and die to everyone whos making this year hell for me...Im done with you. bye.
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[03 Jan 2006|07:35pm] |
And it’s all the treasures that shine in the street
As we drive right over them
And its all the mornings we missed for sleep
As the sun glides over our apartment
And it’s all the subtle change in landscape and business
Reminds you of your limited time
This time you’ll listen to the movement in your body
How it keeps on despite you and it frightens you
Cause you’re barely alive
You’re desperate in finding something else to please you
You’ve been searching your whole life
Something to mute, change, or just distract you
Something to put inside you to give the illusion of life
Cause you’ve always been barely alive
Cause you’re barely alive
Cause you’re barely alive
You’ve always been barely alive
Have you not?
And the greatest escape that you ever did make
With your arms by your side left it up to fate
And the coast that you’ve seen though you’re watching them weekly
You’ve cursed all perfect days as you walked away
I can hear you say, “Jenny, you’re barely alive”
a metal rods you put in your fucking jaw to keep you from grinding your teeth at night
Cause you’re barely alive
You’ve always been barely alive
Cause you’re barely alive
Always been barely alive
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[01 Jan 2006|01:23am] |
I pray to survive at least one more year, I'm sorry i messed up so much so early in such short notice.
i will never stop holding on to things and people that were never mine, and the ones that were mine that i have lost ive already let go of then, i will refuse to let go of matthew and i will continue to refuse it until ive lived life to an infinite extent to make up for him not making it the age im at now, and to experience what its like to kiss someone at midnight out of love, out of lust, jealousy, hatred, anguish, despair, paranoia, panic, confusion, spite, and every other emotion that cames with mistake, or passion. to make up for the life time of love, of friendship. it would have been an honor to die in a car crash in 2004, as long as it was with him. i will always have him in my heart, as well as those ive learned to love in his absence, and those who ive wronged, and the people i have hated.
i will think about things before i act, i will slow down- everything. i will stop and rewind time just far enough to apoligize for actions that havent happened yet. i will learn from strangers and people at parties i am condemned to never see again. i will favor a stranger named jeff, who works in a trendy imatation of a surf shop, told me to stop the things ive been doin, and i will learn from him, and possibly the only full sentence we spoke, rather then the friends ive loved for years preaching on a daily basis. i will learn to sit down, shut up, and step off, rather then reaction in violence and haste. i will live the things i preach rather then just preaching, and i will stop considering myself like everyone else because i am not, and will never be like everyone else.
i will see time in seconds and minutes, rather then days and months, and i will live every second and moment the way i think it should be. i will survive another year on mediocre music, friends, infatuations, relationships, coffee, family, influences, and drugs.
So this is the new year...
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[31 Dec 2005|02:35pm] |
I C0NFESS THAT iN 20O5 i ..
(x) stayed single the whole year.
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
( ) made-out for the first time
(x) made-out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) kissed in the rain
( ) fell in love
( ) fell in love with a idiot
(x) had your heart broken.
( ) broke someone else's heart. :-(
(x) had a stalker.
( ) had a good relationship with someone
( ) questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet.
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
(x) kissed someone of the same sex
( ) dated/dating someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love
( ) lost faith in love
(x) kissed under miseltoe
WORK/SCHOOL
( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) changed jobs
( ) lost your job
( ) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
( ) got straight A's
( ) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
(x) found the subject you love
( ) failed a class
(x) cut class
(x) skipped school
(x) got into a fight with a classmate
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embaressed yourself in front of the class.
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) got a lead in the school play
(x) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget.
(x) got sent to the office.
OTHER
( ) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x)ran a mile
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) double-dipped
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went to camp.
(i went to one ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
(x) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
( ) visited a foreign country
(x) visted a different state
(x) cooked a disasterous meal
(x) lost something important to you
( ) got a gift you adore
(x) realized something new about yourself
(x) went on a diet
( ) tried to gain weight
(x) dyed your hair
(x) came close to losing your life
(x) someone close to you died.
(x) went to a party
(x) drank alcohol
(x) did drug(s)
(x) got drunk.
(x) got arrested
(x) read a great book
(x) saw a great movie
(x) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(x) saw your favorite band/artist live
(x) saw someone famous in person.
(x) did something you want to tell everyone.
(x) Enjoyed this year over all
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[30 Dec 2005|07:50pm] |
my name is jennifer frances elani lux sonesen
i am tired of being used, and being so hopeful
well, maybe he'll call back like he said he would
or maybe he isn't with her tonight
maybe im the one hes thinking of tonight.
Fuck that.
i know it wasn't real, and im holding to my theory, that a fuck you die, is always better then just ignoring someone. if you dont want to see me just tell me, dont lie, if your feelings have changed, just tell me that. i really must be only good for a hookup? dont fucking take care of me when im fucked up, and i wont call you to hang out, stop worrying about my stupid fucking relapses, and i wont message you anymore, stop guilt tripping yourself and ill just get over it. i know it wasn't real. and im glad you know who this is for. if you dont care then i dont care.
sell me out- the jokes on you
I am salt and you are the wound
empty another bottle
and let me tear you to pieces
this is me wishing you into the worst situation
im the kind of kid that cant let anything go,
but you wouldnt know a good thing
if it came up and slit your throat
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[27 Dec 2005|07:09pm] |
people need to learn
that when you fuckwithme
that someones going to getfuckedup
i dont care what dance crew youre in
or how hot you think you are
either way youre going down
lets change this around
people need to learn
that when you fuck with me
or my friends
that someone is going to get fucked up
i dont care what dance crew youre in
or how hot you think you are
either way, youre going down
so step down, step off,
and dont forget-
watch your fucking back.
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[19 Dec 2005|10:48pm] |
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Since I haven't updated in a few months now, i figured i should. i dont really know why. I can feel this year ending, and its ending faster then the new year is ready to come. I have no one to kiss at midnight again, and that's not even a concern anymore. right now, it's a matter of "we've all survived this year, who won't make it through the next." the holidays are coming, and i get to see for the first time in my life what long island new york does on christmas as opposed to lebanon new jersey. i mean, sure long island pre-games harder then jersey parties, and it could just never compare to here, but i've spent sixteen christmas' there, and now for reasons beyound me, im here...we dont even have a tree? moving on, this year has been full of ups and downs, but we've managed - just so i can be cliche, to never be down and out (always up or down, never down and out...get it?) every time we thought things couldnt get worse they did, and the people we shouldnt have met know that now. I told off the people i can do without, and ive embraced that there are still people i cant be without. i am over the idea of originality, and am ready for the crowd to just eat me whole. With any luck the new year will come, and sweep away the remnants of everything wrong with this year. i dont really know what else to say, except, i guess this year is closing, on a decent not, and hopefully i wont remember how the new year started, all i want to know, is that i was with friends, and kids who love me as much as i love them.
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[18 Dec 2005|12:04pm] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In March I put money in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) vampire_eden's expired parking meter (14 points). Last Friday I ruled Asscrackistan as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). In August I pushed whitarebare in the mud (-17 points). Last Thursday I gave konfusionwithk a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). In April I caught a purse-snatcher who stole inebriation's purse (30 points).
Overall, I've been nice (722 points). For Christmas I deserve a red Radio-Flyer wagon!
Sincerely,
scream___it |
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[30 Oct 2005|09:23pm] |
it's amazing how quickly i become a phase to people.
and i really do loose friends like its nobodies business
im apparently the best one night stand.
i've never been the best at anything.
moving on, saw with youthgroup was lovely? chris schmidt almost made me cry? good.
it happened like a movie. and ended with out warning. thats all you need to know. please dont ask questions, because i know i wont have the right answers. resume life as it was four days ago.
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[29 Oct 2005|10:45am] |
SICK last night was sick
i love falling in kitchens...everytime i step foot in it
freezing houses
car paint on walls
pong 05
peeing in the back yard
partying at the same party with my brother
have my brother come up to the guy im hooking up with and i quote "Common man, thats my little sister"
then just walk away
i love the kellys being 18 whaddupppp
i love debra assaulting/malesting me
i LOVE NIKKI MOTHER FUCKING PASSARELLA
and an awesome boy walked her home, and then me home,
and im infatuated
i love it love it love it love it lets do this again real soon
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[19 Oct 2005|06:06pm] |
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lately, things have been going entirely too well, but i cant help but feel disgustingly depressed. I'm trying so hard to do things for myself, not because my peers have done it, or someone on tv or in a band. but being your own person has become a struggle, and being like everyone else is just as hard. i feel like ive lost my place in my daily ruitine and social life. suddenly, im not longer part of my inner circle of friends, and i am not missed. ive lost contact with so many kids in such short time, and the realization that i am nothing more then a phase in a persons life, is painful. what makes being a phase to someone hardest for me, is the fact that i spent hours, making sure they were okay, while they did the same for me, i find it oddly crushing that, there has been one person in my life that could make me cry in fragment sentences, and another individual that can make me want to be an entirely different person, then still a third individual that makes my mind spin when i think of how many years i could be then him, simply by experience. i drive myself crazy when i go on this overly thoughtful binges and i hate it because now i know i will rant and rant, and several friends will instant message me later tonight asking "what's wrong?" or "you seem upset", and i will know it is only because they read this, no one would make a normal assumption that i am not well. i can feel myself drifting from everything i once knew, and the people i will continue to love. and in the indifferent space from them, i feel myself moving closer to other people, but the thing is, i am not one of them, they have been together since they were very very young, as i was with my friends, its hard to just adaptto the change.
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[10 Oct 2005|06:43pm] |
so basically, i feel totally and entirely worthless. my borthers had a party...i cleaned blood and vomit off the carpet in the basement, and then later on, get treated like shit my them. i dont want to draw i dont want to write, and i do not want to make anymore clothing. i dont want to sing, i do not want to play guitar i feel no need to ever see a sheet of music again, and honestly i could care less whether im listening too it. im sick of the vicous cycles and friendships that come with being a teenager. i hate the idea that each time my friends return to school, we get farther and farther apart. and i think its just incredible the way everytime i feel myself getting close to someone they move on.
1. corona - dan conklin
2. darling lullaby - dan conklin
3. give it up - the format
4. tie the rope - the format
5. the only difference between martyrdom and suicide it the press coverage - panic! at the disco
6. jumper - third eye blind
7. time to dance - panic! at the disco
i love my ability to be entirely miserable yet still respond to stevens tag for my songs of the moment.
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